Free Counter
ab scissors

Tales from a small town

Short stories about life in a small town. Non-fiction. Great reading.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

It was easier to sell weed in high school!

Yeah, this is a bad time for the car business. Our top salesmen are having a tough time making ends meet. Sure, they're selling cars, but not enough to sustain their lifestyle. In fact, they've gone weeks at a time without selling cars. They've got it rough - or so they think; but it's what they think that counts. They're barely eeking out a living using the advanced horse-trading techniques they've picked up along the way when times were good. Me? I don't know those advanced techniques. I've sold 2 cars. Both at full sticker price - but I've only sold 2 cars - in one month.

I've got a guy right now who's attempting to put the dealership I work at, and another GM dealership in another city in a bidding war over his trade-in. He's got a 6 year-old Blazer he bought in cash brand-new and right now it's got really low miles; always been garaged in the winter, he's never had kids or pets, doesn't smoke, and has record of every oil change he's ever gotten.

The owner of the dealership was in today, and heard about my situation. He tells me: "He's putting us in a bidding war. There's only one way to win a bidding war, and that's to be the last bidder. I'm going to tell you how to put yourself in that spot."

I'm thinking: "Cool."

This is what he says. He says, "Tell him these exact words, and these exact words only. Write down what the NADA book says his Blazer is worth: it's $6,000." (That's what he told me the other dealership would give him.)

"Then," says the owner of the dealership, "write down the most optimum price an insane person desperate to make a deal would give him: $8,000; put the $8,000 figure over the $6,000 figure. You with me so far?"

"Yup."

"OK. Point to the bottom figure, and tell him, 'It sounds to me like in order to earn your business, we've got to be close to this high figure for your trade-in, right?' He'll shake his head up and down in agreement while dollar sign dance in his eyes. Then say, 'In order for us to reach that figure, we need you to whip out your check-book right now.' "

I said, "What if he doesn't?"

"He won't. He didn't even bring his check book. (I forgot to mention: everyone knows he's a cash buyer.) He didn't bring his check book because we're in the bidding stage still; there's no reason for him to bring it. It's not here. That's OK. You're building a sense of urgency. With me?"

"Yup - sense of urgency."

"OK, when he tells you he doesn't have his check book, you ask him, 'All things being equal, between us and them, which dealership would you buy from - in other words, if the other dealership gave you the exact same deal, would you buy from us or them?' "

"Why's that important?"

"You're springing a trap."

"Oh."

"There's no way in hell I'm giving this guy $8,000 for a 6 year-old Blazer."

"Shit."

"But, I'm putting you in position as last bidder, and that's where you want to be. He'll go to the other dealership, and tell them we'll give him $8,000 for his Blazer. They'll laugh him off the lot, thinking either he's lying or we're lying - doesn't matter - they won't give him $8,000 for his Blazer and I know it."

"Yeah, but...."

"Shhhhh. Don't worry. He'll come back and want the $8,000 trade-in. You tell him to whip out his check book because we can't write an offer without the check book present. Make sure when he calls you tommorow, that you tell him to bring his trade-in and check book. When he whips out the check book, tell him you've got to make a few calls to make it happen. Dave knows what's going on. Dave will tell you to tell him, 'Good news - we can beat the other dealership's trade-in, and we can get exactly the car you want in 24 hours." (Neither dealership has exactly what he wants.)

"How is going from $8,000 back down to $6,100 good news?"

"Remind him of the commitment he made to you yesterday, remember? When you asked him, 'All things being equal, where would you buy your car?' Then remind him that we're beating the other dealer's trade-in, so all things aren't equal, we're ahead. Then remind him that high gas prices are killing our SUV sales and because that's exactly the reason why he's trading his Blazer, don't you think it'll be tough for him to get more than what we're offering at the other dealership? He's already been through alot with all that driving; he's ready, and he knows he's getting top dollar - it's your job to remind him of that."

It was easier selling weed in high school!

4 Comments:

  • At 1:23 PM, April 28, 2006, Blogger Intellectual Insurgent said…

    Boris -

    That is a fantastic title for the post!

     
  • At 10:06 PM, April 28, 2006, Blogger Boris Yeltsin said…

    II: it's true! Damn, I thought cars would sell themselves, like weed did in high school.

    Selling cars is much more complicated. I was told by one of the top salesmen: "The cars sell themselves - that's not the problem. The problem is, they don't have to buy from you because there's Chevy and Pontiac dealers all over the place. Your job isn't to convince them to buy the car - they already know they want to buy the car or they wouldn't be there. Your job is to convince them to buy the car off of you at the highest possible price, right now."

    Damn, why don't I just shoot for trying for Mideast peace?

    This dealership is big, but they're outside of corporation limits out in the country in a neighboring town, that's about half the size of ours. In fact, we're surrounded by cornfields - literally. The people in the town the dealership is located think it's out of the way!

    This dealership is as big as it is, because they've trained their salesmen to get top dollar out of every deal.

    They may not write a ton of business, but the business they do write is loaded in gross. In other words, if you have their sticker on your car, it's a sign that you paid way too much - but - it's slick how they do it, because they're wiley.

    It's a male environment, all the way.

    There's this new game sweeping the Midwest called Cornhole. Sounds like it may have major homosexual implications, but it doesn't. It's simply a bean-bag toss into a slanted board with a hole in it.

    The owner of the dealership loves this game. He's got cornhole boards set up in the showroom and outside.

    They set one of the boards near my desk. The toss is 25'. When those bags hit the board, it's loud.

    I'm on the phone, talking to an elderly customer who's hard of hearing, and the owner of the dealership is throwing those bean bags at the board by my desk.

    "Wham!" "Wham!" "Wham!"

    I'm getting pissed, because I can't hardly hear the damn phone, but this is the owner, so I keep my cool. After only hearing about half the conversation, I get fed up, and just go with the flow. I grab a snow removal broom behind me while still on the phone call, and start raking in the owner's bean bags.

    This cornhole game is a 25' under-handed toss. Since I'm sitting at my desk yakking away on the phone, I can't throw underhand. So, I've got this pile of bean bags the owner just threw, and I grab one, and with an overhand fast-pitch, start winging them at the opposite board where the owner's standing. This is while I'm actually talking on the phone.

    The owner looks at me, winks, and gives me thumbs-up. I keep throwing.

    That's the type of environment it is. When a salesman tells you he'll make sure the key fob on the key ring of the car you're thinking of buying works when the paper work is completed, what he really means is, when hell freezes over.

    There, it's all about the deal - and if it ain't about the deal, it ain't important - unless it's having fun - or looking at the stacks of Maxxim magazines they have upstairs where the salesmen smoke in the winter.

    You don't ask questions, and you don't ask permission. If you're doing something wrong, they'll rip your head off, but don't ask in advance if it's wrong: do it, or don't do it, but don't ask, because you're bothering someone - because it doesn't involve someone handing them a blank check.

    I know it makes them seem incompetent, but actually, nothing could be further from the truth: they're very, very competent.

    You have to endear yourself to one or more of the "masters," and they'll make fun of you and fuck up your deals on purpose because they think it's entertaining to watch you get pissed while you have to hold it in, in fron of a customer, and after they get enough laughs, someone will eventually feel sorry for you, and let you in on a couple of secrets in the trade craft.

    They're very smart and very gaurded about how much of their psychological secrets they let out. They don't tell everything all at once.

    I'm not sure if I like this environment because it's very brutal, but damn if I haven't learned a bunch already. It is very interesting, for sure!

     
  • At 12:22 AM, May 01, 2006, Blogger Intellectual Insurgent said…

    That would be a tough environment if scruples matter to you, but it is educational nonetheless. It will help you in life to spot the b.s. salespeople throw your way.

     
  • At 10:13 PM, May 01, 2006, Blogger Boris Yeltsin said…

    You ain't a shittin'!

     

Post a Comment

<< Home