It's no wonder....
I'm up at the podium (where the manager sits) and I'm just watching the manager approve deals for other salesman. It's educational, because I like to know if the other salesmen are getting preferential treatment, or if they're swinging deals using methods I don't know anything about.
During a lull in the action, Jerry's looking right at me. I couldn't figure out why. It was uncomfortable. After a long, awkward silence, he says, "Sure! I wouldn't mind if you bought me a pop!" So I laugh, and raise my hand a little, to indicate that I was about to say something, and he says, "No! Seriously; I don't mind. I drink Sprite." So I laugh again and start to say something and he says, "That's really great of you to offer. I don't want you to feel awkward about this, it really doesn't bother me at all. It's so nice of you, by the way: I drink Sprite." Then he looks at me as if to say, "Hop to it, motherfucker."
So I said, "You know, it's no wonder you're the top salesman here. I'll tell you what: I'll get your damnned Sprite for you - on one condition."
"What's that?"
"You have to give me advice on how to sell cars."
"Why me?"
"Why not? You're the top banana, right?"
"Well..."
"So doesn't it stand to reason I should get something out of buying you a pop?"
"OK."
I get his freakin' pop, and an hour and a half rolls by, and he acts like we didn't have a deal. I nod to the empty can: "Hey! I held up my end of the bargain, now it's your turn."
"What do you mean?"
"My advice."
"Oh yeah. I meant to tell you: you're putting me in an awkward position here, because if I say the wrong thing unintentionally, you'll take it the wrong way and hate my guts. You're doing a great job - keep up the good work."
"That ain't going to cut it. I want you to teach me something."
He thinks for a while.
"OK, tell you what: you just say yes to everything I say, got it?"
"Sure."
"Hi, my name is Jerry - welcome to XYZ Motors; what's yours?"
"Boris."
"So Boris, find what you're looking for?"
"Yes."
"No, no you dumbass, you're not supposed to say yes to that or you won't learn anything."
"OK. 'No. I haven't seen what I'm looking for.' "
"What'ch'ya looking for?"
By now I'm thinking I better get the most out of my education with Jerry, so I fall into the role of who they call, "Big Bad Bob." Big Bad Bob is out on the lot everyday, taking the form of almost every male up there is. Big Bad Bob is an asshole who won't be taken lightly and he won't be talked into anything but what he came to look at.
Me: "I don't know. I really don't like anything I see."
"What'd'ya looking for?"
"Don't know."
"Great! We've got some 15 passenger church busses over here I can get you a great bargain on."
"I don't care about church busses."
"So you do have a little bit of an idea of what you're looking for if you know that church busses aren't of any interest, am I correct? Let me ask you this: what're ya trying to do?"
"I don't understand: 'what am I trying to do?' "
"You're here for a reason: is it information on vehicles, or is it pricing?"
"I want prices, and I specifically want the price on that one, right there. What is it?"
"So, if we could come to the right numbers on this vehicle, we could wrap it up, and send you home in it right now, couldn't we?"
"Hey, I just want the price."
"Great! Come on in!"
Then Jerry continues: "See what I just did there?"
"No."
"Big Bad Bob wants to be taken seriously as a player. He's treating the sales staff like shit and barking out orders. There's only one way for him to keep up his little power trip, and that's to show you he's a man of substance - otherwise, he's not the player he wants you to think he is. When I told you to come on in, what's your only response if you still want to be taken seriously as a player?
"I've got to come on in?"
"Precisely."
"Why?"
"Otherwise, he just looks like he's full of hot air, and Big Bad Bob is a man of action, and I just offered Big Bad Bob an action to take - kind of like a dare. You don't think Big Bad Bob is going to be too chicken to take on a tiny little dare, do you?"
I think that was the best fifty cents I ever spent!
During a lull in the action, Jerry's looking right at me. I couldn't figure out why. It was uncomfortable. After a long, awkward silence, he says, "Sure! I wouldn't mind if you bought me a pop!" So I laugh, and raise my hand a little, to indicate that I was about to say something, and he says, "No! Seriously; I don't mind. I drink Sprite." So I laugh again and start to say something and he says, "That's really great of you to offer. I don't want you to feel awkward about this, it really doesn't bother me at all. It's so nice of you, by the way: I drink Sprite." Then he looks at me as if to say, "Hop to it, motherfucker."
So I said, "You know, it's no wonder you're the top salesman here. I'll tell you what: I'll get your damnned Sprite for you - on one condition."
"What's that?"
"You have to give me advice on how to sell cars."
"Why me?"
"Why not? You're the top banana, right?"
"Well..."
"So doesn't it stand to reason I should get something out of buying you a pop?"
"OK."
I get his freakin' pop, and an hour and a half rolls by, and he acts like we didn't have a deal. I nod to the empty can: "Hey! I held up my end of the bargain, now it's your turn."
"What do you mean?"
"My advice."
"Oh yeah. I meant to tell you: you're putting me in an awkward position here, because if I say the wrong thing unintentionally, you'll take it the wrong way and hate my guts. You're doing a great job - keep up the good work."
"That ain't going to cut it. I want you to teach me something."
He thinks for a while.
"OK, tell you what: you just say yes to everything I say, got it?"
"Sure."
"Hi, my name is Jerry - welcome to XYZ Motors; what's yours?"
"Boris."
"So Boris, find what you're looking for?"
"Yes."
"No, no you dumbass, you're not supposed to say yes to that or you won't learn anything."
"OK. 'No. I haven't seen what I'm looking for.' "
"What'ch'ya looking for?"
By now I'm thinking I better get the most out of my education with Jerry, so I fall into the role of who they call, "Big Bad Bob." Big Bad Bob is out on the lot everyday, taking the form of almost every male up there is. Big Bad Bob is an asshole who won't be taken lightly and he won't be talked into anything but what he came to look at.
Me: "I don't know. I really don't like anything I see."
"What'd'ya looking for?"
"Don't know."
"Great! We've got some 15 passenger church busses over here I can get you a great bargain on."
"I don't care about church busses."
"So you do have a little bit of an idea of what you're looking for if you know that church busses aren't of any interest, am I correct? Let me ask you this: what're ya trying to do?"
"I don't understand: 'what am I trying to do?' "
"You're here for a reason: is it information on vehicles, or is it pricing?"
"I want prices, and I specifically want the price on that one, right there. What is it?"
"So, if we could come to the right numbers on this vehicle, we could wrap it up, and send you home in it right now, couldn't we?"
"Hey, I just want the price."
"Great! Come on in!"
Then Jerry continues: "See what I just did there?"
"No."
"Big Bad Bob wants to be taken seriously as a player. He's treating the sales staff like shit and barking out orders. There's only one way for him to keep up his little power trip, and that's to show you he's a man of substance - otherwise, he's not the player he wants you to think he is. When I told you to come on in, what's your only response if you still want to be taken seriously as a player?
"I've got to come on in?"
"Precisely."
"Why?"
"Otherwise, he just looks like he's full of hot air, and Big Bad Bob is a man of action, and I just offered Big Bad Bob an action to take - kind of like a dare. You don't think Big Bad Bob is going to be too chicken to take on a tiny little dare, do you?"
I think that was the best fifty cents I ever spent!
posted by Boris Yeltsin @ 9:31 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:53 PM, May 13, 2006,
Intellectual Insurgent said…
Dude,
You're getting a PhD in psychology for $.50.
At 9:53 PM, May 13, 2006,
Boris Yeltsin said…
Hellava bargain, ain't it?
Jerry is amazing. Our manager (Jerry's just the back-up) never wants me to go on test drives with other salesmen or even sit at their desk while they're on a deal, because he says that my size, combined with the presence of the other salesman, might intimidate customers. Other salesmen get to ride along with someone more experienced, but I don't.
One day our manager was out to lunch, and I was having trouble closing the deal, so Jerry stepped in (much to my relief.)
I went on the test drive with Jerry and this customer, and the guy kept trying to convince Jerry that all he was out to do was sell him a car.
Jerry looks astonished for a moment, and he says, "What do you do for a living?"
The guy tells us he's a security gaurd now, but before he retired, he was a millwright for GM for 24 years.
"What does a millright do?" Jerry asks. The guy tells us they fix machines that break down: line equipment, presses, conveyors, automatic welders; if they can't get a part to fix a machine, sometimes they have to make it themselves, if need be. He took great pride in being careful to explain all that he did.
Jerry says, "So tell me something: what if a machine broke down, and the foreman on the line saw you walking down the aisle? Would that foreman stop you, and say, 'Oh no you don't, Mr. Millwright-man! All you want to do is fix my machine so it can get up and running again - isn't that what you're all about? I can see your intentions from a mile away!' Is that what the foreman would say? Would he turn you away if he saw you coming because he knew exactly why you were there? Of course not! If you weren't ashamed to do your job, why should you expect me to be ashamed of doing mine?"
Pretty much end-of-story on the "all you want to do is sell me a car" thing.
Did the guy buy? No. But Jerry taught me an important point: of course we're there to sell them a car.
I've seen Jerry practically get into arguments with customers, and sell them a car. He's got a one-track mind - and that mind is geared toward selling cars. He doesn't want you to think it over or talk it over with your spouse, or wait till you shop other dealerships, he's all about right now. "Today's the day, and I'm the man." That's Jerry's motto. Today's the day to buy the car Mr. or Mrs. Customer, and I'm the man to sell it.
He's the King of Gro$$.
At 11:48 PM, May 14, 2006,
MZPEACH said…
Loved both senarios Boris. LMAO @ Intellectual Insurgent.
I wish you would have got this job before I bought my car. You would have been so so helpful.
I told you that I worked at KIA dealership before. When I was up there, I could tell a lot the saleman were strictly about business. But a lot of them were STRESSED! I couldn't believe the amount of pressure some of them had on them. Especially the "top" sellers. When I took my selling class in college, I truly disliked it. I hate trying to convince people, and I hate being rejected. You really have to have thick skin and strong, direct personalilty. And others have to see it in you, because they really do size it up. Because you can be such a weak person, that they will have you picking up lunch for everyone, not being able to approach customers, or even have you in the back making cold calls. I hope you do well Boris. Really, I hope that you become a professor at a University..lol or win the lottery...lol. But I am glad that you are providing for your family right now, and I wish you much success in this feild.
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